You are worthy, no because’s. I wasn’t brought up believing this. I was brought up believing that I was worthy if I was a good person. I was worthy if I said the right things, and behaved the right way. If I became a person that was good, kind and loving, then I was worthy of love and attention.
You see, every family has their own version. This was mine and it ruled me. There was no me outside of the thick mask of good, kind and loving. In a way, I liked wearing it, because I believed it gave me my worth. Yet it came with a cost. I believed that it was only if I were these things that I could be loved. And to them, my worth was inextricably tied. I had to be nice, it wasn’t a choice. It was a threat to my identity and sense of self if I wasn’t. I couldn’t be totally honest with someone, or straightforward because I had to appear as a good person. I felt imprisoned by my own mind, with no way out.
My worthiness was also tied to many other things: How well I believed I was doing in my business; the amount of friends I had; my relationship with my family members; the car I drove. As it is for so many, I had many prerequisites for worthiness and had to satisfy each of them in order to allow myself the gift of feeling like a worthy human being.
I realised that worthiness was mine for the taking around my mid thirties. At this time, I began to enquire as to why I could only feel worthy if I had certain things or circumstances, or more importantly if I was a good and kind person. I began to see the cracks in my reality and realised, that there was nothing that I needed to do, to be worthy. It wasn’t the truth of me. In fact, when I connected with my soul, I felt the opposite. My soul’s truth was that there was nothing that could take away from my worthiness. No thing I could do, no way I could behave that would change this. And every time I got this, I felt my soul become a little lighter and freer. It was as if I waking up from a dream that had imprisoned me.
Worthiness has no pre-requisites is a comforting thought. When I want to try and measure my worth, when I want to look at the things I have or have not achieved my life and define whether or not that makes me a good and worthy person, I am able to pause, and reset myself. I am able to realise once again, that I was brought up in a world where it was commonplace and still is, to measure our worth. To assign it to some and not others; to categorise and label. Now, I am able to come back to my centre, and realise again, I am worthy because I exist. I am worthy, just because. Everyone else is the same. This is true no matter what we have or have not done in our lives. No matter how much we have or have not achieved, or what type of a person we believe we have been; we are wholly worthy, just because.