It’s not for lack of want or desire that people don’t manifest their dreams. It’s not because on the deepest level of their being, it doesn’t feel right. It’s because they haven’t learnt how to dance in relationship with those sides of self that are bound to come up whenever we put ourselves out there. Those sides that have been hurt before, have been laughed at, or scrutinised. Those parts that are easier to not feel. But, wisdom teaches us, that the only way to be all that we can be, is to embrace these sides and understand that where we walk, so too shall they, as well.
If we are always trying to do things to avoid feeling small, not enough, or rejected, we will always stand on the outside of our lives peering in, and wondering ‘what if’? What if I had put myself on the line and went after that dream? What if I had spoken up at that critical moment, instead of pulling myself back? What if I had grabbed the reigns of my life and rushed forward when the moment called for it? We always have a choice. We can enter into these moments, or we stand back.
After I had written my book, I genuinely thought to myself, maybe I just shouldn’t release it. I couldn’t control what other’s responses would be, how they would judge me, and how they would think of me in their private thoughts. This left me feeling so uneasy, that for days I thought it would be easier to just stop there and not put myself on the line.
It’s vulnerable to release a book; I poured my heart and soul into it. And yet I have to be open to the fact, that there will most likely be many people that don’t like the book. They may even hate it. They might take one look at it and go, ‘oh god, why did she even bother?’ For me to fly free in the face of this is me taking the reign. To let it be what it is and allow people their responses, but still be resolved that I want to release this book, is me taking my power back.
I had to walk through the fire. I had to sit with my discomfort and acknowledge to myself what was there for me. If I hadn’t, I would have stopped myself from moving forward. All of us have these saboteurs and it is how we manage them, that determine if we will move out of these limiting spaces, or be consumed by them. Whether we will use them to our advantage, and use them as fuel to the fire or allow them to stop us.
‘You know what?’, I sometimes say to myself, ‘I’m not going to let this stop me this time. Too many times, I have stopped myself. It stops here. I don’t care if people judge me. If they laugh at me or pull funny faces, well, that’s ok too. I’m going to follow what feels right for me. There’s nothing else I can do that makes any sense. I want to live a life of meaning. So, this is it. I’m going to grab it with all that I have.’
We are invited to be the guardian of our own mind and protect our fortress. Allowing in only that which serves us. This includes the thoughts we allow into our mind. We are invited to plant seeds that will bear fruits down the path of our life, and choose to sow ones that will move us closer to our dreams, instead of away from it.